Sometimes, the best thing to do is smile... smile at the uniqueness of this life on earth. Smile at the monster called Change, and face it fearlessly because change is a part of every aspect of life, except One... God.
Sometimes, like now, I am not sure if I want to laugh or cry at the thought of another big change staring at me. I try to smile courageously at it. (Maybe then it'll just disappear, right?!) But at times, the smile is just a bit too wobbly, and I wonder what the next sharp curve of this roller coaster ride called Life will hold!
Will anyone be surprised if I say I am moving? And what if I would say I am moving T.H.U.R.S.D.A.Y?
It is a startling surprise to me, who only heard about the possibility this past Sunday morning, 2 days ago! My mouth literally hung open for a bit. Immediately my mind went into flying mode... and the highest speed available at that!
"Should I board with the teacher for the Childrens' Home?" "I don't even know her!" I pounded the flour into the batch of biscuit dough. "When would I move if I did?" "God, what do You want me to do?" silence. "I thought I knew what flexibility was about! Go figure, Gen!" "I would really miss late night talks with Janessa, my 'heart-friend.' " "How does it happen that so many things happen so suddenly, so last minute, with m.e.?" I smiled and shook my head. "How will it all work out? Transportation from the apartment to this house, back and forth every day, could be a big deal!" "Should I do it?" "I don't think it'll be that great packing things up twice." "Do I even really want to?" I wished I had the power to stop all thoughts for a moment of SILENCE!
The question, "Do I even really want to?", kept pounding in my head over and over. I was sick of it. I didn't know if I wanted to, and I wasn't sure WHEN or IF I would want to..... like really, really want to. That kind of "want to" that makes your blood almost jump with excitement. I didn't at all like the thought of jumping out of my nice box, especially with all the activity that is around this place anyway. Just the thought of another big change right before furlough made me cringe.
Then yesterday afternoon, I heard the calm* reminder from a friend, "What would Jesus do?"
I knew in my heart what Jesus would do.
And at that point, somewhere deep, deep inside of me, I knew that I would eventually say 'Yes' to it. It didn't make the questions go away. Not at all. But I found my mind wandering more in the direction of what it would be like living in a cute apartment with a lady that is from another state of Mexico, and who speaks 3 or 4 different languages! I started thinking about all I would need to pack and what my schedule would be like. I was a little more comfortable with the idea. I was willing to do it, but not excited about it.
Last evening, I got a phone call from the Childrens' Home director, saying that I don't need to worry about it afterall. His oldest daughter, Suzanne, was excited about staying with her, and everything would work out better if she did!
(What is that about change and flexibilty again? Ta-da!)
I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief... the decision was made, finally. I was saved from lots of packing, from that monster named Change. Life was again back to normal.
But only for 2 hours was it normal.
(Please redefine normal. I think I forget!)
Another phone call sent the roller coaster at unbreakable speed. Suzanne was burned horribly on her leg from spilled, boiling chicken broth... definitely a 2 degree and maybe a 3 degree burn! We prayed for her.... and I never once thought about what change of plans this might bring. This morning, I was asked if I was still ok with moving in with the teacher, at least until the burn heals, which could be awhile.
Ummmm, yeah, I reckon so!
So Thursday it is. And I am getting excited about it.
It is in times like this, when everything around me screams "CHANGGGEEEE!!!", that I can look up and believe without a doubt, that God is truly a God that does NOT change. He has perfect control of this roller coaster. When He sees I am getting too comfortable in my seat, He sends a steep, winding curve to take my breath away. All I need to do is just enjoy the ride, one curve and bump at a time.
His promises are new every morning. I need to grab onto them like never before and
never let go! Thank you, God, for being unchangeable!
